He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
