i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
