Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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