I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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