I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
