it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
