I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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