Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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