is your mom at the bar?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
