My girlfriend figured out who you are.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
