so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know her cup size but not her name....
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