My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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