if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
