Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
