I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
