if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
