I just threw up on my dentist
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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