I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
