i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
