Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
