Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
