After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
