I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
