apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
