I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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