Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
