U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize