Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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