i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize