I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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