I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
