Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I supernannyed him into submission
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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