what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
