Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
