i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize