Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
