i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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