i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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