She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
nutella sex= disaster
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
