He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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