yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
