he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
