she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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