my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
