I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
