In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
