you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
