I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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