i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
