today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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