why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
