WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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