I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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