babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
