You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
