I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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