i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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