When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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