Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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