I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
