i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize