Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize