After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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