I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
