shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
