I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
