Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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