She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
