I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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