it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
